Hello everybody!
One funny thing about the
MTC is that we have "service assignments" which by itself is an oxymoron. I just think it is kind of funny that we have to sign in and out at
a service activity. Is that really service? One of the people in charge
of our assignment's name is Shawn. He was a funny guy. He would guide us in
guided imagery (like a meditation thing) for the first 10 or so minutes of
service. It was great, but he just quit since he is starting school, so service
just got so much less rewarding. Haha.
We trust our own
intuition, our own fears, our own expectations, over the promises of God. It is
hard because what we experience and think feels more real than God and his
promises so often, despite the fact that the exact opposite is true. God's
reality and promises are reality. And I, above all else, I want what is real
and good. I often trust my ability to learn or teach more than the Holy Ghost
and his gifts. I often trust my ability to get along with people over searching
and asking for God's love. We can all
trust our past experience over the promises of the joy of the Gospel. None
of those things are easy to get over, and it may take my entire life, and
eternity to do so, but I will do so.
This week I decided to
start each personal study with a question. Then to try to go back to it a few
times as I read and end asking that question again. Anyway, it has been cool
just to see how God does inspire me. Even in small thoughts and emotions. Or
just in asking the question. It is cool to see how the questions relate as I am
just reading through the Book of Mormon. I am starting to memorize Nephi’s
Psalm. I really love that section. A week ago last Sunday I gave a lesson on
the Book of Mormon. I didn't feel like I had any amazing insights so I did a
close reading of a section of the Doctrine and Covenants that talks about it
and then shared scriptures and experiences that strengthen my testimony and
asked others to share their own experiences. I talked about the Psalm of Nephi,
and my experience after the shooting, and finally calling Dad and getting
suddenly choked up, and pretty much as far as I can remember the whole
conversation with dad after the shooting was basically us both saying it is good to hear your voice. I
couldn't say anything else. Anyway in my head those things related. That is how
God feels about us. He just wants to hear our voice through everything. Then
for me with Dad and with God, I too seldom recognize how good it is to have a
relationship with them, and to hear their voice. I have to go through something
hard in order to feel that. Or not hear my parents’ voices for a month and a
half... So I guess my spiritual thought is that God truly knows how to give
good gifts to us all, even to those who don't ask. The gifts can be trails, or
callings, or peace.
I had a weird dream last
night. I don't remember it all. But I went back to Arapahoe with Karl
Pierson [the shooter]. It was before the shooting happened or it was the same time
but I knew he might do it. Anyway, I had been helping him so
he would not enter the school with his gun and all. So I was trying to be nice to him but had a
fear the whole time that he would do it again even with my friendship. And the dream was a little weird
but that is the gist of it. Anyway, thinking back on both Karl Pierson and Noah
Graham, I wish I had done more. I don't think I hurt them in anyway, or caused
anything bad to happen. However I wish I knew Karl was struggling and Noah's
life was shorter. I would have done more to help them, or at least to get to
know them and love them. And my dream meant something to me because God knows
who is struggling, who needs people to love them. He can help me support people
before they make mistakes. Or can help them make better choices, without me
even knowing. Or if nothing else can help me learn from and love people. And to
think that all of those at Arapahoe who knew him as well (which is very well,
but still) and better than I did, didn't know he was struggling as much as he
was is sad to me. That we didn't create healing relationships with each other,
shows how much we truly were lacking. And I am truly bad at building deep
relationships, but am committed to get better. However, a relationship with God
and family has healed my soul. And there is a lot to still heal and change. I
have no idea how I will be an effective missionary, and help people make
meaningful changes in their lives, but daily I will try to trust in God and
raise my voice and cry unto him. And there is no other work that is more
meaningful or eternal. Anyway sorry I don't feel like that made a whole lot of
sense, it was just kind of stream on conscious writing. So my goal on my
mission is to try to learn something, (or heal my soul a little bit) from each
of my companions and investigators. And to love them and be there in meaningful
ways if they are willing to connect with me.
Anyway, thank you
everybody for the letters. I really love hearing from everybody! God and his
gospel is amazing. I know it because I have seen the fruits of the Gospel in my
life.
Oh how great the mercy of
God! Hurrah for Israel!
We are now officially the oldest district of the Korean speakers. Every three week one group leaves and one groups comes into the MTC. There are only 12 missionaries that I can think of between all the missionaries I have been with in the Korean Branch that are going to Seoul South. And 3 of those came in yesterday. And 2 left after my first 3 weeks. Anyway it is feeling more real that I am going to Korea soon and that is a little scary.
It is kind of funny, I bought a children's picture Book of Mormon, like the same one we had when we were kids (it is in Korean...) Anyway, I still don't understand most sentences in the kids Book of Mormon. It just shows how truly limited my vocabulary is. I am feeling like I can say a fair amount of things, sometimes in a round about way. Listening is perhaps the scariest part though. When I listen to my teachers speak, you have to try to quickly transfer the sound in the the meaning, which can take long enough that I miss the rest of the sentence. Another problem is when I am doing well and remembering words and recalling them quickly, but am so focused on that, that I don't really catch the grammar so kind of have to guess how all the words went together. I feel like since the grammar is just different that it is hard to just follow conversation without really following most everything. However, I am getting better. I can actually pick out the words and stuff that I missed and ask what the verb was or whatever I needed. However actually going to Korea will be scary since they will talk a lot faster and in forms that we don't know well or practice. But I am honestly excited. It will be fun. I am nervous but excited so I was thinking about singing a song called "Nervous but Excited." Haha.
Anyway for dear elders, my unit number or whatever it's called is 211. I think that is what they need!
My district president is from New Zealand, and yes he did serve in Korea. He was a mission president there a while ago. I think all of Korea was just the Seoul mission back then. Then the first counselor is Korean, and the second served in Korea but doesn't remember a whole bunch of Korean.
Yes Mom, I got the razers. Thank you! Sorry about that. I will try not to lose them again! Also can you give me Rachel's email? Also I was just wondering did you and Dad ever write the Mission President?
Yes Mom, I got the razers. Thank you! Sorry about that. I will try not to lose them again! Also can you give me Rachel's email? Also I was just wondering did you and Dad ever write the Mission President?
So I feel like I am losing things to say since the MTC is pretty much the same most weeks. Both of my teachers got sick so we had a sub again. So we counted how many people have taught us. We have had 9 teachers. So that is pretty fun. And 5 of them were there long enough to be our investigators I think. Sister Holmes, a substitute we had as Brother Driggs and Sung were sick, I, and my district, think is perfect for Brother Driggs, so we are attempting to be match makers. But seriously, there are so many amazing teachers here at the MTC. They all genuinely love us and care for the work. I think it would be a fun and rewarding but hard job.
Elder Sabey
P.S. I think the whole Psalm
of Nephi, shooting experience would be a cool poem. I don't know if anybody
wants to take that up as a project? Josh? Matt? Well anybody in the family? Or
you could give me some ideas and I can maybe write it?
Elder Sabey
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